This is how everything inside feels today. it is almost unbearable. I think my big loving heart will turn cold for a while, and I also can’t bear the thought of that… I want to be warm and sweet, but I keep getting wounded. Retreating back into myself. Maybe I’m too easily hurt, with too many insecurities for any person to reasonably deal with.
Not this time. I am strong and mighty and I will live through this inexplicable torment and I will thrive. It is a heavy weight but I’m a big girl now time to grow the fuck up.
I am just so distraught to lose my closest friend here in this new city, where I have not been doing anything but trying to make a relationship work. Now I feel like I’m left with nothing.
No, this is the soil in which to sow - after all it is Spring. I just PRAY, please let this weight of sadness and loss be more bearable during this crucial transitional moment of my life.
What was I thinking? Getting into a whirlwind of extreme fast and hard love right at a turning point? Going back to an old love hoping for new results? No, hoping to see something through, something beautiful but so complicated.
I hope I don’t die from this, thats really how I feel now. Sorry to be such a bummer, internet people, I’m really really going through it right now like I have not in a very long time.